Is monachopsis a disorder or a feeling?

Is monachopsis a disorder or a feeling? Sometimes words are not enough to describe the chaos going on in mind. Sooner or later, I will choose exulansis - the resignation of talking about things that no one can understand or is willing to listen to. There is a constant sense of monachopsis - the feeling that I'm unfit for this world, for this place. I don't belong to anyone, nor do I belong anywhere. I fear that I am slipping into nodus tollens a state where nothing makes sense anymore, not even the plot of life itself. Absurd life. There are moments I meet people who show care, yet I shrink away, terrified. Terrified that they will soon feel the adronitis of trying to know me? I am a riddle and they will never find the answer. This frustration will mark the end of their care and put a question mark on this disorder. Still, an escapee into eccedentesiast will definitely understand this riddle. I am a perfect host for insecurities. They barge into my mind without permission and I...